![]() Listen closely to what your child says to any opening that you can then gently push a bit wider. Praise her for her curiosity when she asks a lot of questions, and then answer them. Wait for your child to ask for your opinion before you give it.īe interested in your child’s hobbies and pastimes.ĭon’t criticize his taste in music, games, and shows. Get any neutral conversation going and wait patiently for your child to bounce into what is really on her mind. Talk about impersonal subjects, and casually ask for their opinion. The end game of any interaction with your child is strengthening trust and modeling respectfulness. To scaffold open communication, parents have to stay on their kids’ level and be honest and authentic. Don’t assume that one scaffolding session of providing comfort and modeling control is enough. Never react to your child’s emotional expression with distress, or he’ll learn to hide and internalize his negative feelings.Ĭheck in with your child about how she feels. Modulate your intense emotional expressiveness so your child isn’t confused or frightened. None of those approaches is helpful for you or your child. If you need to vent or find comfort, turn to other adults.īe affectionate and attentive when your child is upset.īe conscious of whether you are overreacting, trying to suppress your emotions, or avoiding dealing with what’s going on. The goal is to guide and support him first and to model self-control. Anger and nagging do not lead to compliance.įew things are harder than watching your child suffer, but you have to hold steady, and tolerate your own discomfort, to scaffold their growth.Įven though you feel your child’s pain deeply, wait to vent your distress until you are away from your child. Take a close look at your schedule and make sure to include daily quality family time.įrame feedback by saying what you like and always deliver it with a calm, clear voice. Reinforce positive behavior with praise and rewards.īy being emotionally available and present, you’ll validate your child’s feelings and encourage her to open up and share them.Ĭheck yourself before your helpful feedback turns into harsh criticism. Then move on to the next skill, and the next. To secure the base, practice your planks.Įven if you have to repeat yourself a thousand times, keep giving your child corrective feedback until she gets it. Track all your child’s behaviors, negative and positive, to find out if his bedtime or homework routine, for example, are really as bad as you think.Ī solid parent-child relationship is the base on which your child will grow and learn independence and resilience. If you feel your blood pressure rising, know that nothing positive will come next. Listen to yourself talk, and ask, “Am I only seeing what’s wrong, or focusing on always being right?” If so, acknowledge your bias blueprint and strive to redraw it.Īnger and hostility lock parents and kids into negative patterns. ![]() ![]() Be the person who your child can count on for kindness and compassion. Once the changes set in, they become the new normal. It can take up to three months to establish new behaviors after you start positive opposite reinforcement. When inking your new blueprint for raising your child, remember to draw upon your planks. Reflect daily by asking, “What’s going on in my head? What’s stressing me out? What unacknowledged feelings or thoughts am I having? What is preventing me from paying attention to myself? What can I do to feel better and adapt?”Ĭheck your phone usage daily to prevent screen time from taking over your alone/romantic/nature/creative/reflection time. Even five minutes a day does wonders.įorgive yourself for being an imperfect human and bask in self-love and self-encouragement for all the good you do for yourself and your family. Instead of rushing and moving yourself and your kids through life at a breakneck pace, slow down. Self-care means using the scaffold planks to feel stronger and better about being a parent.
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